by John Wyatt
It is night in Gothic City. All is quiet. ..... But wait! ..... What is this?? .... A sly, stealthy figure is sneaking through the streets! Who could it be?
"Me." said Little Fink. "I was trying to sneak out of this stupid story before you started telling it. Looks like I'm stuck now."
It sure does.
It is morning. Super Fink and Little Fink are playing poker with Chief Jones and Sergeant O'Hara.
"I'll see you and raise you two." said Jones.
"Huh?" queried Super Fink. "What does that mean?"
"It means you have to put in five chips if you want to stay in." replied Jones.
"Stay in what?"
"The game, you idiot!"
"oh. Okay. four....five....do I win yet?"
"No. Not yet." replied Jones, exasperated.
"Here's my five." said O'Hara..
"And my two." said Little Fink. "What have you got.?"
Chief Jones laid down his cards, smiling. "A pair of aces!"
"Beats me." said Little Fink.
"I have a club flush!" said Sergeant O'Hara, proudly. "How about you, Super Fink?"
"Nothing, I guess. Only three of these cards with Queens on then, and a couple of sevens."
Just then a patrolman ran into police headquarters.
"Chief!" he shouted. "Somebody just stripped my squad car to practically nothing!"
"Come and see for yourself!"
The all got up and ran outside. Sure enough, the patrolman's car was sitting on cement blocks. The wheels, doors, hood, steering wheel, seats, and half the engine were missing!
"This is terrible!" cried Chief Jones. "To think that somebody could get away with something like this, and right in front of the police station!"
"Somebody must have seen the criminal!" said Little Fink. "Where were you, patrolman?"
"I was eating in the diner next door. I only had my eyes of the car for two minutes!"
"It must be the work of some arch-villain!" exclaimed Sergeant O'Hara.
"What makes you say that?" asked Super Fink.
"The narrator. Besides, it's always some new super-criminal he makes up."
"Yeah." said Little Fink. "I wonder why he always picks on us?"
"I don't know." said Jones. "But we'd better find out who this guy is and catch him, before he strikes again."
Just then they heard a phone ring inside police headquarters. A minute later a patrolman came running out.
"Chief!" he yelled. "Come quick! The Mayor just called! Every car in the city hall parking lot has been stripped!"
At the city hall, Chief Jones was questioning several of the employees, to determine how long the lot had been unwatched.
"Well, Super Fink," Jones said, "the last time the lot was seen in normal condition was an hour and a half ago. The cars were found stripped twenty minutes ago, so the thieves had to work within an hour or so."
"Thieves?" asked our hero. "Why do you think there was more than one?"
"Easy. No one could completely strip thirty two cars in only an hour."
Just then a patrolman ran in. "Chief! H.Q. is on the radio! It's urgent!"
"Ok!" and he went to his car. "Hello? Jones here. What is it?"
"We just got a phone call from a crook calling himself Jack the Stripper. He demands a million dollars or he will strip every car in Gothic City!"
"What! I'll be right there!" Chief Jones drove away at top speed. Back at headquarters, Sergeant O'Hara briefed Chief Jones on the demands made by Jack the Stripper and where he wanted the money placed.
"You mean he wants Super Fink to deliver the money?"
"That's right. He must not know about Super Fink's reputation."
"Indeed. Why, Super Fink even beat Batman at catching the Scarlet Pumpernickel!"
Soon, our hero joined Chief Jones at headquarters and was told that Jack the Stripper wanted him to deliver one million dollars to an abandoned shack outside of town.
"Alright, Chief. I'll do it!"
"We'll be very careful in following you. Jack the Stripper says he's going to make sure that you come alone. It could be very dangerous."
"uh...well...then maybe I'd better not..."
"But you're not afraid of danger!" interrupted Chief Jones. "We'll use marked bills, in case he gets away with the money. They should be ready in a few hours." Now all our hero could do was wait.
Our hero drove towards the woods with the money strapped to the front of his skateboard. As he neared the shack he grew worried. Chief Jones and his men were a mile behind him, but could they reach him in time? Finally, he arrived at the shack, sitting in the middle of a small clearing. Cautiously, he went up to the door and knocked.
"Jack the Stripper! Are you in there?"
"Sure! Come on in!" came the muffled reply.
Super Fink opened the door and entered; but who should he see in front of him! It was none other than the former crime fighter BATMAN!
"Batman!" Super Fink cried. "You caught Jack the Stripper before I did!"
"HA! That's what YOU think! For I am Jack the Stripper!"
"Yes, indeed! When I saw that crooks could be caught by the likes of you, I figured that being a super hero wasn't so great after all. So I took up a life of crime!"
"But, why be a criminal?" asked Super Fink.
"To get even with you, Fink. And also for the money. Crime fighting doesn't pay too well."
"But what about Robin?"
"Here I am!" cried Robin. "We'd better get going, Batman. The cops are almost here."
"Then we're off! And you're coming with us, Fink!"
"Yes! I said I was out for revenge. Now come on!"
Robin pushed a button and a trap door opened in the floor. They dragged our hero into a small cave and put him in the trunk of the Batmobile. Then they opened a large door in the backside of the hill and tore out. Oh, what will become of our hero? Stay tuned and find out!
At a secret Batcave in the middle of the woods, Batman and Robin were counting the money.
"Holy George Washington Batman!" exclaimed Robin. "One million dollars all to ourselves!"
"Yes indeed, and soon I shall be rid of Super Fink once and for all! But wait .... I have a strange feeling, Robin."
"Holy Batwhiskers, Batman! What is it?"
"Something's wrong. It's,,,it's...yes! It is! Quick, Robin! Get my Bat-utility belt! There's no time to lose!"
"Holy Bat Beltman! I mean ... Holy Man Beltbat .... I mean I....oh hell! Here's your stupid belt!"
Batman ransacked the belt like a madman, frantically searching for some desperately needed item.
"Bat-gas pill......Bat-gas immunity pill......Batrope.......Bat-frebestator..........3-in-1 oil.........Spike Jones record...........AH HA! Here it is! EXLAX!! Quick Robin, watch Super Fink while I'm busy. I've no time to lose!" and off he dashed.
After he returned, Super Fink began pressing him with questions.
"You begin pressing me with questions, stupid."
"Oh. Say, uh Batman, how did you strip all those cars so fast?"
"Easy! I used my new Bat-speed-up pill. Take one pill, and for half an hour I can move so fast that the human eye can't see me!"
"Amazing!" exclaimed Super Fink. "But why strip cars? Why not rob a bank?"
"Anybody can rob a bank." Batman sneered. "But by stripping all those cars so quickly I showed them that I am very powerful!"
"Holy footsteps, Batman - someone's coming!"
"What!?? That can't be!"
Just then, Little Fink came tearing into the cave on his motorized unicycle!
"Little Fink!" cried our hero. "You've come to save me!"
"Hands up Little Fink!" threatened Batman. "One false move and I'll destroy Super Fink with my Bat-Exlax! ... Whoops, wrong compartment. I mean, my Bat-hand grenade!"
"Don't move, Batman!" said a voice behind him.
"Uh, Robin. What is this?"
"I'm not Robin! I'm really Little Fink in disguise!" he tore off his mask. "If you move, I'll shoot!"
"Don't you move Little Fink!" cried the first Little Fink. "For I am really Robin, and I've got a Bat-Super Ray Gun on you!" and he tore of his disguise.
"And don't you move, Robin!" cried Batman, tearing off his disguise. "For I am really Sergeant O'Hara and I've got a shotgun!"
"And don't you move, O'Hara!" cried Super Fink, as he tore off his disguise, "For I am really Batman and I've got a Bat-Super Gas Bomb!"
AND DON'T ANY OF YOU MOVE!!
"Huh?" queried Robin. "You're just the narrator. What can you do?"
No, I'm really Police Chief Jones, and I've got you ALL covered!
Back at Police Headquarters, with Batman and Robin safely behind bars, Chief Jones and Little Fink were discussing the case.
"But I don't understand something." said Jones. "In all that fray, where was Super Fink?"
"Here I am!" and sure enough, in walked Super Fink, carrying a surfboard!
"Where were you!?" cried Little Fink.
"Surfing! I sneaked out of this dumb story before the narrator started it!"