Rock Farm

by John Wyatt
copyright 2004

Chapter 3 - Boot-eronomy

 “OK, will everyone PLEASE quiet down! I’m trying to call this meeting to order!”

“What’d she say?” “Huh?” “Oh, he” “spun a bit of” “say what’s that” “around the pole”  “over there” “for down a bit?”


“We CAN’T keep talking all at once! We’re” “once she shuts up” “I’ll” “know” “getting our words mixed together!”


“That’s better! Ok, who wants to speak first?”

“ME!” “ME!” “ME!” “ME!” “ME!” “ME!………”


Sullen silence.

“Now everyone, please listen. I’m going to tell you how we can all speak without going at once and getting our words all mixed together. We just need to set a few rules first.”

Eager silence.

“Before anyone speaks, they first have to spit.”


“Ok, hear me and I’ll show you how.” <pause> “Brrapppppp!!!” Free electrons sprayed wildly over the others.

“Yuk!” “Ew!” “Gross!”

“Well, maybe not quite so hard. Sorry about that. Ok, now once someone spits, I’ll recognize them and give them permission to speak. Until then, no one else can spit. Once you’re done speaking, I’ll grant permission for other people to spit again. Everyone understand?”


“Yes, Protus?”

“What if we all spit at once? Who goes first?”

“Good point. Ok, if more than one person spits at once, then everyone must think of a random number from, oh, say 1 to 11111111, and count that far. If you reach it before anyone spits again, then you can spit. Otherwise, you have to wait until the next turn.”


“I didn’t give permission to spit.”


“!!!!!!!!!!! Ok, what do you want to say?”

“What’s a ‘number’ and how do I get one?”

“Oh, look, can someone please explain to Electra about ‘numbers’? It’s really a wonderful invention! You’ll love them! They make spinning your domains left and right just so logical and meaningful!”


“Yes, Neutrilla?”

“Does it matter how long we spit?”

“Well, not really. Just don’t make it too long.”

“Well, how will you know which of us was spitting?”

“Good point. For myself, I can tell by the feeling. Neutrilla, you’re about 10110100 marks spinward of my left-right axis; Electra is 01101001 marks anti-spinward of my right pole, and…well, I can see where that wouldn’t mean much to anyone else. Ok, we’ll spit and then give our name. That way, everyone will know who was spitting for attention!”

“Brraaaaap!!! Musion!”

“Brraaaaap!!! Musion!”





Dead silence.

“Ok you two, I know we’ve all gotten attached to our names. I like my own name of Leptera; but really now, we must have a universal naming convention, or we’ll never sort out who is who. We can’t go on having a Musion on my right pole and another Musion to spinward. We’ll each have an Individual Personality address, or IP address. That way, we can still use the names we gave ourselves, but only within the context of a communication. For permission purposes, we must use our IP address. Is anyone opposed?”

Confused silence.

“Brraaapppp! Uh, Pi-mion here.”

“Yes, Pi-mion. Go ahead.”

“How do we get an IP addresss?”

“I guess we should assign someone the task of giving out and remembering IP addresses.”

“Brraaaaapppp!!! Neutrilla here!”

“I didn’t release the communication. Pi-mion still has speaking permission.”

“But, who decided that you would be the one to make the rules?”

A long, thoughtful silence ensued. Finally Leptera spoke.

“I’m the one who woke first; the one who found all of you. I’m the one in the center, which means that I can hear more of us than any one of you. My position in the center gives me the most communication space, so that makes me the natural ruler.”

The others listened attentively.

“Whatever force created us and put us here must have done so for a reason. We could not have simply sprung from nothing! EVERY effect has a cause, and therefore we must also have a cause, and a First Cause that made all causes – a Creator! I am also the one that the Creator placed in the center – the place that can hear the most people. This can be no mere accident! After all, what are the chances that we were simply dropped here randomly? To think that a mere random scattering could produce the pattern we have now is ludicrous! Therefore, I am the Center – the Ruler – by Divine Right!”

Low murmurs of assent rippled through the crowd. It seemed reasonable. After all, her invention of numbers had shown that the likelihood of their particular placement was less than one in a terabit! She was also the one who first discovered that they all possessed both a left and a right pole – proving that they are, by nature, bi-polar. She had certainly proven that their existence and placement could not possibly be random; and Leptera was smarter than any of them.

“Good, then it’s settled and we’ll have no more discussion on that matter! I, Leptera, am in the Center.”

“All hail Leptera, the Center!” came the resounding chorus!


Had our casual observer lived for a few days, a periodic, a vibrant quivering in the rocks might have been observed. With the right equipment, a series of regular, high frequency magnetic disturbances would have registered, rising and falling with the physical vibrations. Unfortunately, it would be years before the lawsuits subsided to a safe level and permitted any visitation to this most unusual location.

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